A line between EGO and SELF - RESPECT

I always used to feel that Ego should never enter into a relationship. Maybe, I still feel the same thing. But, somewhere sometimes that fine line between Ego and Self – Respect gets crossed...

Many of us go out of our way for people whom we love...thinking that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Maybe, but we forget to keep our expectations in check. We start expecting that the other person also should love you the same way....ouch! “Resulting in hurt”.

Many times we would give all the love we have in us to the person we love...maybe, that’s how it is supposed to be...giving that person our 100%. But, what if you are just at the giving end and there isn’t much receiving of Love happening...oops! Would the Love start getting “exhausted”?

Many times there is a feeling lurking at the back of your mind..."Why isn’t he (he/she) interested in listening to what I have to say?” But you ignore that feeling and keep living in that pretext that both of you are equally involved in the relationship. Is somewhere this feeling “crushing” your self – esteem?

You are always on the lookout for doing something special for that person. May be sometimes you write a love letter for him, other times you make a photo album for him, some other time you just give a rose and say how special he is for you. Do you wonder why there are no such attempts... to make you feel special, coming from the other end? Is it because he is not expressive? Do you somewhere doubt your “special” place in that person’s heart?

Has that happened many times that you only keep buzzing/pinging/calling that person? He hardly initiates the buzzing/pinging/calling you? Do you ignore that on the pretext that it’s okay I don’t want Ego to come in my relationship? But, are you really “okay”?

Does he always make you feel jealous by talking about other girls? Is it happening too often? Do you have that feeling that your “importance” in that relationship is lessened?

When in love, you always try to keep the other person’s problems, needs, smile ahead than your own? Do you feel that there are very rare occasions your problems, needs, smiles are kept into fore front? Are you left with the feeling of “taken for granted”?

If the answers to all the above questions are NO...then there is no need to read any further. If the answer is to any or all the above questions are YES...then let’s see why you end up feeling miserable within yourself, less important, taken for granted, not special, crushed, exhausted, etc.

Is the other person to be blamed for how you feel? How many days/months/years you have let these feelings lurk in your psyche and not addressed them properly? How many subtle hints given to you by that person was just ignored because you want to stay in a fairytale that say, “he will always be mine and I have every right to cling to him.” Are you unclear whether your love is unconditional or you require an equal amount of give­­­ n take in your relationships?  

The minute you make the other person more important in a relationship...you have crossed that fine line between Ego and Self – Respect.

It takes a lifetime or various births to learn how to Love unconditionally. So here, we are only talking of a relationship where both of them have expectations and the relationship is considered healthy with an equal amount of Give – Take from both the people involved. When there is an imbalance in this give – take that’s when these above feeling crops in. If not addressed properly it would, lead to communication gap, misunderstanding, doubts, manipulation, game playing, etc.

If in case, you have already confronted that person and still those feelings keep persisting than you need to take a back seat. Maybe, you aren’t giving him a chance to show his Love in his own way. Maybe, before he buzzes you, you have already buzzed him. Maybe, he is so overwhelmed by how special he is for you that it has never occurred to him that he also needs to reciprocate that feeling. So, take a back seat for sometime...till then take care of yourself, love yourself, groom yourself and see how it adds spice to your relationship.

If it backfires and he doesn’t respond the way described in the above paragraph then, you definitely deserve someone who loves you equally, who makes you feel special, who understands and respects your needs as much as he understands his.     

In one single line:

“A Relationship starts losing its charm when the other person becomes more important then you...”

@ FUDOL Therapies we are not saying we are an expert in relationships but we will definitely help you recognize and be your support when you are re – discovering your lost importance.

DARSHA Gandhi Mehta
(Psychotherapist & Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Past Life Regression Therapist; Colour & Aura Therapist, Graphologist, Angel & Crystal Advisor)

We Do Online & Phone Counselling Sessions

www.fudoltherapies.com

+(91) 9869660362; contact@fudoltherapies.com

Abuse/Molestation/Rape

Is Abuse/Molestation/Rape a form of suppressed lust/sexual desires? Or A false attempt to feel powerful?

Does Abuse/Molestation/Rape happen because the beauty is shown in public? Or The devil inside human being wants to destroy anything which is beautiful?

Does Abuse/Molestation/Rape happen because it’s a form of entertainment for the culprit? Or There is so much over – flow of bitterness within that person that it’s a way of passing the bitterness to the other person?

Right from ancient days India has seen abuse, molestation, rape and other crimes happening against women. Why does a society like India where we pray to Goddess Lakshmi, Saraswati and Durga... have to wait for a “Maya” or “Damini/ Nirabhaya” to happen. It’s a well known fact, that Delhi has the highest amount of molestation cases. Even most part of the country girls/women can’t go out in the night. Why haven’t we sprung into action the moment we realized these facts.

I want to highlight a point here... that woman are not the only victims going through such crimes. Men equally has the risk of being a victim of abuse/molestation/rape. Sad part is such crime against men are not even taken into serious consideration.

Right now, the global community is in a dark tunnel from where we can see no light for any permanent solution to Abuse/Molestation/Rape.  Giving a capital punishment is necessary to instill fear and it will reduce Abuse/Molestation/Rape to a certain extend but it is not going to uproot the problem.

Let’s see few ways by which there are chances we could uproot the problem of Abuse/Molestation/Rape...

1)  Rape is one of the ways the miscreant wants to gain control. Overpowering the other person will definitely make him/her feel more powerful and in control for a while. Now, why there is so much need for control...there could be various reasons and one of the main reason is Severe Child Sexual/Physical Abuse. Abuse of any kind makes a child feel out of control, powerless and helpless. But, Severe Child Sexual/Physical Abuse impacts the psyche of a child deeply. Not everyone who is a victim of Abuse grows up and ends up Abusing/Molesting/Rapes the other human being. But, the chances are still high. The Child who has gone through any kind of Abuse should undergo some sessions of psychotherapy and counselling so that he/she can stitch himself/herself back and could understand that  "It wasn't his/her fault", "What happened was a crime".

2) Children have to be taught how to respect their bodies. Once they start respecting their bodies...they will automatically respect other people’s bodies. Accepting and understanding one’s body, and it’s desire will help in understanding that these needs and desires of the body is normal for every human being irrespective of the gender. Appreciating and Nourishing one’s body is very important but, in a constructive way. 

3) Parents have to respect each other. For ex: if a boy sees that his mother is never respected in the family, always ridiculed, mocked and condemned at... he would follow the same behaviour when he grows up with other females inside as well as outside the house. Parents are the only one with whom a child will learn his initial lessons of respecting and accepting every human being. 

4) We as society should be open about people suffering from any kind of sexual disorder/ dysfunction/ illness. Openness is required so that person suffering from it can talk and discuss about it freely. He/she should not feel less masculine/feminine just because he/she has some kind of sexual disorder.  

I understand that all these above points are difficult to achieve. But, our schools, our doctors, our pre – child/pregnancy programs, etc. can educate and create awareness among people. It’s a cycle we need to break and it will take time, effort and lot of awareness but again not impossible.

Love and Respect...if these 2 become the pillar and the foundation on which a child grows up... then only this problem of abuse/molestation/rape has any chance of uprooting itself from the psyche of us humans.

If you are a victim of Abuse/Molestation/Rape... FUDOL Therapies (Fillingupthedash-esoflife) will be your backbone while you stitch yourself back.     

DARSHA Gandhi Mehta
(Psychotherapist & Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Past Life Regression Therapist; Colour & Aura Therapist, Graphologist, Angel & Crystal Advisor)

We Do Online & Phone Counselling Sessions

www.fudoltherapies.com

+(91) 9869660362; contact@fudoltherapies.com

          

Staying Happy during Life’s Toughest Problem: Thoughts – Part 1

When you going through life's toughest problem...that's the time you need to double your efforts to love yourself, take care of yourself, make it a point to laugh as much as you can, do all the things you love doing and show life that no matter what it throws @ you...you will be happy and you will fight back.

How difficult it is to implement the above statement? Is it so easy to take care of yourself, to love yourself, to be happy, to laugh when life’s throwing the toughest problem at your way?... well yes it’s very difficult but, still achievable.

Usually, when there is a problem with one person....always it’s been attracted by that person’s subconscious thoughts, continuous usage of negative words, and some destructive actions which will attract problems in your life. Here, we will have various parts, the first being Thoughts. Let’s see this in detail:

Thoughts: As a child, our thought process starts developing at an early age, more than outside influence, our thoughts are influenced by our elders and our immediate environment. We usually don’t have control over the thought – process formed at this age. Since, these thought processes are the initial thought – process. These become the Root Thoughts.

If the thought process or the signals given by the immediate environment are: “We cannot buy this particular toy because we cannot afford it” – here the child doesn’t understand what is affording or because the money is less the family can’t buy him a toy. What he gets here is: “I cannot get this toy because I am not good enough”.  Self – worth of the child is gone down. If these incidents keep happening the same way, Root Thought that is planted is...”I am not good enough, that’s why I can’t get good things in life”.  

Similarly, if the thought processes or the signal given by the immediate environment are: “We cannot buy this particular toy today, but we can look into buying it in a few days” – here the child is not denied a toy out rightly nor he has been given the toy immediately and the child doesn’t even end up with a feeling of “I am not good enough”. But, a thought process forms: “I might get what I desire a little late in life, but there is possibility of getting it.” The child’s root thoughts would be to develop patience and persistence for the things he desires.

It is practically impossible to change the immediate environment’s thought process as they have been formed from generations. The problems which you are facing currently are somewhere related to these root thoughts. Being, aware of that is very essential. After being aware of it, you need to accept that the formation of these root thoughts is nobody’s fault, after that you need to have the strong desire to change your root thoughts...to the thoughts which works for you thus, cutting the root thoughts of your lineage and also your future lineage. Note, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to cut any relations with your family members just that their root thoughts will not affect you in your present and future life. You won’t attract the problems from those root thoughts ... as now your root thoughts are different.

Generally, one goes into self - analysis when one is going through a crisis situations. You would want the answers of all the “Whys” then. For seeking those answers we go everywhere, we read self - help books, go to a guru, philosophers, go to a counsellor, attend seminars, suddenly we become religious...all these are the process to becoming aware of your “root thoughts” and an attempt to change it as well. Many people get stuck in the mid – way and the process remains incomplete.    

Here are few pointers which can help you not only seek answers to your Whys but also, fight back ...when life throws @ you some of it’s toughest challenges:  

1) Ask Why’s. Be aware that somewhere your thought is also responsible for the crisis you are facing in the present. Go thought behind the thought. Ask why such thought has occurred till you reach your root thought.      

2)Take Responsibility. Go to the usual process of taking someone’s help, whether a guru, counsellor, philosopher, religion, go to various workshops, read books, etc...but also keep in mind that all these people and things are just part of the process...just guides and angels to, help you, support you ... but, the journey is yours and yours only...so taking the leap of changing your Root Thoughts is only your responsibility.    

3) Change the Thought. If your root thought is, “I am not good enough”. Start observing your thoughts...how you think...sit for 15 minutes with yourself in silence to listen to yourself more clearly. Catch yourself whenever you say, “I cannot afford it”; “it’s nice but, it’s only for rich people”; or “I haven’t proved myself enough to buy such an expensive watch”, etc. Stop the thought process then and there... instead put a positive statement like, “I deserve all things I desire”.

Of course, these are the initial steps and part 2 and 3 will have more of details and a holistic perspective. Our human thoughts are very precious... like you take care of your gold, silver, car, investments, etc., the same way you need to take care of your thoughts, keep doing its maintenance, keep upgrading it.

FUDOL (fillingupthedash-esoflife) Therapies will be your support if you need one to change these Root Thoughts. Write us an email.

DARSHA Gandhi Mehta
(Psychotherapist & Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Past Life Regression Therapist; Colour & Aura Therapist, Graphologist, Angel & Crystal Advisor)

We Do Online & Phone Counselling Sessions

www.fudoltherapies.com

+(91) 9869660362; contact@fudoltherapies.com

      

Soul Mate

Soul Mate ... hmmm... how to recognize a soul mate? Is there a particular time when a soul mate enters your life? Why don’t I ever get soul mate kinda feeling with anyone? Do you only have one soul mate in one lifetime? Is it necessary to marry your soul mate? Are soul mates permanent in our life? Is it essential that only when you get romantic connection to someone...then they are called soul mate? Is there anything called Soul Mate? Do you in these times get those real connections? Can we call our soul mate?

Here’s an attempt to answer the above question solely based on my personal experience:

There are lot of people one gets attracted to...there are double amount of temptations in all areas of life.....but, there comes a time in life ... when you meet someone, when you talk to someone .... and you feel....you are settled, suddenly that search stops...and then you know...you have met yourself...you have met your soul mate.

A soul mate is somebody you would feel connected to, you would trust right from the first meet. Somebody you have met for the first time but, you talk, you behave as if you know that person from long. All the 3: Mind, Body and Heart are aligned.

Few signs:

   1) Being with that person will always feel right.

   2) You will be very comfortable with that person, it will feel like home.

   3) You would be able to be yourself with your soul mate without any effort.

   4) You would enjoy and love that person’s presence in your life.

   5) Usually, soul mates will enrich your life in some way. 

   6) The attraction will be mutual.

Like Love, a soul mate can enter anytime in your life. We human beings have kept ourselves restricted saying that after a certain age one can’t fall in love, or one can’t learn a particular thing, one has to be matured and serious after you cross your teenage and what not. But, universe knows nothing of these things. For the universe, there is no time and age restriction and it will provide you with soul mate as and how you ask for it consciously or subconsciously.

We have multiple soul mates in one lifetime. Some come in our life to fulfill some purpose, some come as an angel to help in a particular situation, some stay in our life for a long time, some just come in our life to learn from us or to teach us, some come in the form of friends, etc.

A soul mate sometimes enters your life because you have to work together towards something, you or the soul mate requires a specific kind of help and after that help is done...you might never see them again, sometimes it comes in the form of old friend who re – enters your life when you are in dire need for support, sometimes a complete stranger just enters your life and sweeps you away and becomes a part of your life, and sometimes you know a person for a decade or so but, the connection would happen at a later stage in life.

Times like these where there is so much of dirty politics wherever we go, lot of anger, hatred, sadness, despair, distress...these are the times we require to believe in miracles, to call our soul mates to help us and others, support us, to fulfil our life’s mission. Soul Mates are required to be working together now more than ever so that human’s can bring world back again from Dark, Fear and Depression to Light, Love and Laughter.

A soul mate can come in the form of lover, guru, friend, business partner, child, sibling, parent, teacher, relative, a complete stranger, etc.

When Universe sends you a soul mate it will be the right time, right place, and right circumstance...you just need to respect it. 

FUDOL (fillingupthedash-esoflife) Therapies would once again become a Platform if you want to attract Soul Mates for marriage, business associates, teacher, student, child, etc. etc.

DARSHA Gandhi Mehta
(Psychotherapist & Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Past Life Regression Therapist; Colour & Aura Therapist, Graphologist, Angel & Crystal Advisor)

We Do Online & Phone Counselling Sessions

www.fudoltherapies.com

+(91) 9869660362; contact@fudoltherapies.com

Honouring One’s Initial Promise

There are a lot of promises we make throughout our life...some promises we keep, some promises we break, some promises we don’t know why we make, some promises we just make to avoid further discussion without any intention to keep them.

In my previous article on Honouring One’s Promise I have emphasized that one should be very careful in making promises and if a promise is made it should be fulfilled. But, there are some promises an individual makes right from the day he is born and no matter how difficult those promises get in our life journey...it needs to continuously be kept.

Our initial promises are: promise to always remain happy, promise to always be yourself, promise to take care of our physical, emotional, and intellectual needs, promise to always be a light being, promise to maintain our dignity in any situation, etc.

Once in a while having a drink or a smoke is different from daily putting in dosage of alcohol and smoke into your body; once in a while eating junk food is different from pumping in your body loads of cheese burgers, french fries, fine white flour, soft drinks, etc.; once in a while staying miserable is different from daily living a miserable life; once in a while having problem in a healthy relationship is different from not having a healthy relationship at all; once in a while condemning oneself, criticizing oneself, not valuing how god has created you is different from daily having feelings of low self esteem, self worth, etc.

Day in and day out we abuse our body, mind and soul by denying a healthy living, because we don’t listen to what our heart really wants - we destruct our body, our mind and our soul in very many different ways. We break our initial promise every day, every hour and then we question God why our prayers are not answered, why God always punishes us, why always God gives us so many problems.....but do we ever listen to God’s cry....listen to God’s plea to stop destroying our body and start enjoying it in a constructive and safe way, to stop being in an unhealthy relationship and trust God to send a soul mate so that we can experience a healthy relationship, to start valuing oneself as God has created everyone unique and different and not valuing oneself is an insult to God’s creation and one’s own journey of life.

This article is just an attempt to remind ourselves of our Initial Promise which is filling our being, our self with Light, Love and Laughter.

As always FUDOL (fillingupthedash-esoflife) Therapies will be your strength while you resilient back to fulfilling your Initial Promise.  

DARSHA Gandhi Mehta
(Psychotherapist & Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Past Life Regression Therapist; Colour & Aura Therapist, Graphologist, Angel & Crystal Advisor)

We Do Online & Phone Counselling Sessions

www.fudoltherapies.com

+(91) 9869660362; contact@fudoltherapies.com