Resilient Power & Relationship

When you are sailing with a companion and the water starts giving you trouble ..and you want to sail through and fight the battle with water with full force and you are ready to fight God, Your Fate and Nature for the boat you build it together but the other person is just isn't interested in together fighting the troubled waters. No matter how much you try to pull him/her to the boat, you tell him/her that we will pass this rocky troubled waters... it's just that we both need to do the right thing and keep the boat going together but, in spite of all those confident words and rather than trusting the strength of the bond you share together, the other person's fear over powers him/her and he/she wants to jump into the water and swim to the shore not thinking about you, not thinking about the strength of togetherness but, just how to safely reach the shore by himself/herself and not wanting the burden of you.

Is our marriage/relationship reached that level where in first we always think about ourselves?

How it is going to benefit us to stay in that relationship and we are out to jump out of that relationship at first sign of trouble?

Is our resilient power towards hanging on to our close ones or for that matter hanging on to our partner  when they are going through the troubled waters become less?

Is thinking about yourself first and you shredding off your shoulders of anything causing you any inconvenience including your partner's tough times and what comes along with it...mood swings, irritation, frustration, etc. etc. become OK?

Do you feel sharing your partner or close ones sorrow or sadness as burdening you, lessening your growth and career prospects?

Are we only interested in being safe and calculating and see what we are getting in that relationship?

Have we forgotten to acknowledge what the other person has done for us?

Have we got too scared to sacrifice and compromise for our partner?

Are we just responsible for our feelings and our partner's feelings don't matter?

Why has other aspect of marriage/relationship like cooking, house management, raising kids and bringing up children losing its importance?

Why for monetary gains couples agree to stay away from each other at the prime of their marriage life?

Is our Ego larger than our Hearts now?

Is marriage just a facade in front of the society now?

Why more and more people are opting out of this institution of marriage?

Why not getting married or advising not to get married seemed to be the right thing to do?

 We @FUDOL don't know answers to many of the above questions but, we know the roots of our relationships/marriage have shaken badly and we have lost the resilient power to give in a relationship, to hang on when our partner is going through a tough time, to take responsibility of each other in a relationship has somewhere gone out of fashion. It is a powerful wave which is showing no subtlety and will sweep with itself the future generations to come if we don't stop running and just start enjoy our relationships and having the patience to give our partners all the love, care, affection, security and concreteness in the relationship.   

DARSHA Gandhi Mehta

(Psychotherapist & Counsellor, Colour & Aura Therapist, Past Life Regression Therapist, Graphologist, Angel & Crystal Advisor)

We also do Counseling via. Phone, & Online. 

www.fudoltherapies.com, +(91) 9869660362

contact@fudoltherapies.com   

    

Soul Mate - II

If you are a first time reader or have missed the first part do read our first part on Soul Mate on:

http://www.fillingupthedash-esoflife.blogspot.in/2012/10/soul-mate_17.html

Many people have asked me that:

1) Though, there is a lot of passion, love and care between me and my soul - mate but somehow it is not working between us...there are a lot of fights.

2) Though, we are completely at home with each other but, there is a lot of possessiveness which is creating a lot of insecurity in the relationship.

3) Though, we connect beautifully with each other on all the levels but, we restrict each other a lot in a relationship which is somewhere affecting our growth.

We see various relationships on television, movies, and even in Real Life... that most of the times a relationship full of passion, intensity and love does not tend to last  and fail to culminate into a long term relationship and one tends to settle down for a relationship where there is usually less passion and love and is more "practical".

There are 2 reasons why these relationships don't last long: EGO and FEAR.

When we are blessed with a relationship wherein both of them feel our partner is our soul mate. These relationship has a lot of passion and intensity. It is a dream relationship/friendship.

But, we are right from the beginning conditioned to fear and doubt any good thing happening to us...triggering all the possessiveness, insecurities, doubts, etc. And rather than fulfilling each other's role in the relationship and in each other's life and supporting each other's life mission - we start getting afraid and stop living in the present and fear about the future.

This fear instigates one to want to control the outcome of the relationship and thus domination, restriction, fights, revenge, giving back, blame games etc. start to happen.

Here, a person's Ego play an important role. If both the partners have shallow ego's the relationship will not last long but, even if one person in that relationship has strong ego than the relationship has chances of sailing through.

Definition of Shallow & Strong Ego:
http://www.fillingupthedash-esoflife.blogspot.in/2015/06/ego.html

A marriage or any long lasting relationship with your Soul Mate is one of the most beautiful, ideal, and fun - filled relationship. If you have issues handling your relationship with your soul - mates you can always contact FUDOL Therapies for assistance.      

DARSHA Gandhi Mehta

(Psychotherapist & Counsellor, Colour & Aura Therapist, Past Life Regression Therapist, Graphologist, Angel & Crystal Advisor)

We also do Counseling via. Phone, & Online. 

www.fudoltherapies.com, +(91) 9869660362

contact@fudoltherapies.com     

Marriage - II

Are marriage really made in heaven? Then, how is it that God is going wrong so much and divorces are increasing day by day?

First of all, I want to salute all the couples who have spent 15 - 30 years of their life together. After I got married, I realized the amount of sacrifices and compromises it requires for a sustenance of a marriage. It isn't an easy task. It requires both the partners to be on the same page - which itself is so difficult task. There is no instant expression of gratitude...somewhere a thankless job at least when you are compromising and sacrificing at that very moment or for few years your partner may not be able to recognize what you have done for him/her. Handling your partner's relatives and parents and their taunts, and demands ...most of the times couples fight because of each other's family (very visible in Indian Marriages). One's Self - Respect takes a big blow every second day in the marriage.

I always used to believe when I was in college that, if our Indian society opens up to the idea of Divorce...almost 80% of the couple would opt for it. Though, after being a part of this institute I realized that Divorce in an Indian Society isn't an easy thing...financially and legally one is drained, not only one has to face family pressure which drains you emotionally and mentally but also, it is not acceptable to our Psyche... where from so many generations it has fit in our DNA the "Importance of Being Married." This creates guilt, shame, your self - worth hits rock bottom. In India, it is more peaceful to live in a dead relationship than go through the process of Divorce.

Though, by heart I am a believer of relationships. We @ FUDOL feel relationships are best learning tool for our soul. The more one learns from the give - take dynamics of a relationship...the more one is able to appreciate our partners. Now, we will say that ...it is our partner's duty to do certain things for us...Aren't we taking our partners for granted? Isn't from this that every mess starts? Why can't we on a regularly basis start acknowledging what our partner is doing for us?

  If we want to save this very mighty Institute of Marriage from falling...we need to come out of all our old concepts like:

a) A female has to always bow down to Male Ego...WHY? Don't females have Ego? Aren't they humans? Today's females have seen from centuries their mother and grandmother's self respect getting crushed. They have seen that females who do household work and bring up children aren't valued and respected in our society. That's why right now, so many females have lost their feminine side and are busy matching up to this "MALE EGO". Creating all the more confusion and upheaval in this institution.    

b) Why always an in - law should be bowed down to? Why can't a daughter - in law stand up for herself and back answer or just express herself if she feels that they are not being treated properly. Why can't there be a relationship of an adult i.e. relationship of mutual respect. We @ FUDOL believe that after the age of 18 years ... everyone should be treated as an ADULT and should be spoken to like an adult and it should start with the parents first. The day parents treat their children like an adult and give them respect like an adult ...accepting their desires, aspirations, listening to their views, etc. rather than bossing around and trying to control others on the pretext of being more elder and being more matured. That is the time, the parents will understand that the same way they need to treat their daughter - in - laws.

You have more ideas on how to save relationships and marriages ...let us know on our email id.

 DARSHA Gandhi Mehta

(Psychotherapist & Counsellor, Colour & Aura Therapist, Past Life Regression Therapist, Graphologist, Angel & Crystal Advisor)

We also do Counseling via. Phone, & Online. 

www.fudoltherapies.com, +(91) 9869660362

contact@fudoltherapies.com   

Family Politics

One learns a lot of things from being in a family full of parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents. Definitely there are as many negatives as positives.

There are positives in living in a Joint Family ... but that only gets highlighted if you have introspected... like Sacrificing and Tolerant Nature, Children get exposure to love and care of many adults, Developing Sustenance in Difficult Times of the Family rather than start Blaming each other, How to maintain your Self - Respect when others are condemning you without any solid reason, Being Assertive... It would be your School which trains you for future life.

Among few negatives there is one negative which I want to talk: Family Politics.

Family Politics is something I could never ever understand and never see any benefit of it in a family structure. I have seen politics happening in almost all the families - no family whether big or small, joint or nuclear, upper class - middle class - lower class is devoid of politics.

@FUDOL we define Family Politics as a mindset based on Insecurity which will not let one appreciate and accept other people... which leads to a selfish nature or a cold heart... only thinking about what's good for oneself and not leading to good for the whole family thus, in turn not thinking what's good for the whole nation.

For Example:  

a) Rather than standing by a "weak" family member in their difficult times one would see to it how he/she would break that person more,

b) Rather than creating a trusting environment for your daughter - in - law, you keep criticizing her, condemning her for no solid reasons and keep on telling your son how bad is she.

c) Rather than instilling the right values of Support/Patience/Tolerance between siblings - the parents instill the values of competition, so that they can control both their children.

Many times one can see educated people and families indulging in such politics... making one to conclude that education makes no difference to the mind set ... our education is not changing our outlook or narrow mindedness of our minds but, yes an example set by our parents definitely does.

Family members by the time they turn 20 years of age have developed the skill set to become a seasoned politician - to that extend politics is deep seated in our families.

If adult's need to control and possess the other family members diminishes...we will have much less mess in our families. If Family Structure has to work - distribution and organization of wealth, responsibilities, duties, roles are needed so that every member is empowered with his own likes and dislikes taken into consideration and the importance of inter - dependence is also proven.

Family is meant to protect each other, support each other, and grow together... Why are we losing this core family value? Let's get this core family value in place so that each family member - in turn each family - in turn each nation is supportive of each other, protective of each other, grows together.

Encourage Supportiveness in the family than Competitiveness, Encourage Problem - Solving/Solution Based talk rather than Gossips and Bitching about Each Other, Education on being Human, Workshops for spouses before they plan a Child are few ways families can use to change a mindset from Family Politics to Family Togetherness.      

  

 DARSHA Gandhi Mehta

(Psychotherapist & Counsellor, Colour & Aura Therapist, Past Life Regression Therapist; Graphologist, Angel & Crystal Advisor)

We Do Online & Phone Counseling
+(91) 9869660362, contact@fudoltherapies.com  www.fudoltherapies.com    

EGO

                                                                                                                

Have you always misunderstood a person who is telling you the truth about yourself or showing you the mirror but have got attracted towards people or have preferred staying with people who always agree with you ... whether you are on the right track or the wrong track?

Have you been so blind that to hide your mistakes/weaknesses you prefer staying away and condemning that person/situation which might bring you face to face with your weakness?

Have you been so blind in saving yourself from humiliation that you make the other people's life a misery?  

Have you been so used to your comfort zone that you are rejecting all the opportunities of growth?

Have you been so engraved in how life is unfair to you that you forget to see all the things life has given to you?

Have you been surrounded by fear to such an extent that you become rigid about any change happening in the surrounding and just prefer to stay in the old way of living or old patterns of life?

We @FUDOL Therapies believe that, "A Person's EGO can either break him or make him."

We define EGO in 2 ways: A Shallow EGO and A Strong EGO

A Shallow EGO is where a person does not want to see his weakness but, to satisfy his ego he indulges in bullying others, putting other person down to show himself superior, to keep blaming other people/situation/circumstances, he would keep taking credit of any small thing he has done for others, he is comfortable with only those people who are praising him, they fluctuate in their loyalties depending upon who supports him, can change his perspective according to what benefits him, they want control without taking any responsibility, etc.

A Shallow EGO develops in the childhood...when parents keep encouraging their child no matter how incorrectly they behave, when parents always want children to be under their control resulting in making them their handicap where they can't think for themselves and can't self - analyze, never point out their child's mistakes or show their weaknesses as they live in notion that their child can never make any mistakes, where the parents don't nudge a child towards progress or independent thinking and the child is always discouraged to ask questions but always told to obey....few examples why a person with this kind of up - bringing will develop a Shallow EGO.

A Strong EGO is where a person realizes his own weakness and in turn works towards his weaknesses and in turn support others in solving their issues, he takes full responsibilities for his behaviour and takes charge of his life, a person would not keep counting on small things he has done for others because he does not help others for praise but because of the compassion he has in his heart, he takes it positively when someone shows him a mirror, and he has developed that kind of sensibility to recognize people who just praise him or take his side because of their ulterior motives, he has his own stand - which even if no one is supporting it...he will still persuade on it, his first priority will be himself, his family and then he will go and help others, etc.

A Strong EGO develops in childhood where a child is discouraged when he behaves in an inappropriate manner till he learns the other way, his mistakes are being pointed out, his weaknesses are being discussed and together a solution is being found out, in a fight between their child and another child if their child is wrong...the parent wouldn't hesitate to express the same to the child in front of everyone, a parents develop a child's independent thinking and empowers a child in every ways so that he develops quality of inter - dependence, there is no unreasonable demand to obey and opinion of child is always taken into consideration, making him grow within himself by giving responsibility and making the child accountable for those responsibility... few examples why a person with this kind of up - bringing will develop a Strong EGO.

Once these EGO's are developed in childhood it is very difficult to break free from them but again with working hard nothing is impossible as well. If you feel you possessed a Shallow EGO and you feel the need to come out from Shallow Conditioning and Re - Condition yourself to have Strong EGO...we @FUDOL Therapies will always be ready to make this difficult change a reality.

DARSHA Gandhi Mehta

(Psychotherapist & Counsellor, Colour & Aura Therapist, Past Life Regression Therapist, Graphologist, Angel & Crystal Advisor)

We also do Counseling via. Phone, & Online. 

www.fudoltherapies.com

+(91) 9869660362, contact@fudoltherapies.com