Marriage Healing

Marriage – continuous fights...can’t withstand a conversation

Marriage – can’t get intimate with each other on any levels

Marriage – requires compromises, sacrifices, toleration power

Marriage – now the magic, passion fades away after 5 years

Marriage – ego takes over heart

Marriage – both the partners are on different pages oops...different books

Marriage – getting difficult...

Marriage – a stale institution!

Like every failure... even the downfall or failure of marriage as an institute is also learning for an individual and a society as a whole. These are the things we as a society need to at least take into consideration:

    1)    The Cycle:

Along with other discrimination...world has continuously faced gender discrimination. When we had a patriarchal society, a woman was suppressed, abused, not respected – creating a “weak woman” concept which more than men, women took more advantage of it.

In this century, women are at the fore front in every field, giving tough competition to men. Somewhere the tables are turning and we are moving towards Matriarchal Society which is again an extreme.

What an awakened, educated society needs to understand is equality...equal respect, equal opportunities, equal justice, equal rights, equal duties, equal benefits should be given to all the living being without any discrimination. The cycle of favoring one gender should be stopped ...thus, breaking the cycle. Breaking this cycle will help today’s marriage tremendously.

In a marriage, there has to be openness as to... what responsibility (role wise) will be undertaken by each partner. If a husband wants to stay at home and do the house management, cooking and taking care of children...it should not be mocked upon. Similarly, if a wife wants to be a bread earner and wants to take up that task ... it should be respected.

It is a couple’s choice what task they choose to run their house and family.

     2) Education

We have let education just touch our intellectual self i.e. we have just become much more logical, intelligent, knowledgeable, competitive, practical, diplomatic, etc. resulting in Egoistic outlook which results in damaged relationship.

Once our Ego overpowers us...we stop listening to our Heart and turn a blind eye to the demand of our souls. Competition makes us so paranoid that we stop trusting people around us, because of our shallow ego’s we are not able to say “SORRY”.    

We crush our need of giving and receiving love; we can’t confront the other person if we have felt bad because “they should know” which creates misunderstanding, increasing the communication gap.

    3) Time

Well, there are so many new things to learn, explore and so much to do that I get tired... have no time for my husband/wife. It’s healthy to have the self - identity intact after marriage, having one’s own ambition and goals but, to not know what is happening in each other’s life, to not have same life goals or a common ground when it comes to household, children, finance, fun, pleasure, etc. will eventually lend us on different books all together.

If a couple is on the same book but different page it is much easier for the person ahead to slow down so that his/her partner can catch up. How will you rectify or reduce that gap when you both are on different books?

 

     4)    Foundation

If your first couple of years in marriage was full of love, care, laughter, passion, etc. it will take less time to heal the distance created during the years of marriage. You just need to give more time to your relationship, to your partner and rejuvenate all the good memories and start making new memories and it should work.

In couples, where there has been issues from the beginning and they haven’t had a full - fledged relationship...they need to work a lot harder. Visit a marriage counselor ..so that you and your partner’s issues are resolved. Work on your ego’s, start doing things together, start forming common goals in marriage, start appreciating each other more often. First it will take efforts then things will start moving in positive direction.

 Rejuvenate the magic in your marriage life...everyone is not a charmer, or a charismatic personality but, anyone can change a situation from dull, boring and monotonous to fun, dynamic, growing.

Stability and Growth are 2 sides of the same coin. Both should be present if a relationship has to flourish and not just survive.  

We @FUDOL Therapies conduct an intensive Integrative Therapy for Marriage Healing...it is our surety that you will go with rejuvenation and new power in your marriage after you undergo this intensive course. 

DARSHA Gandhi Mehta
(Psychotherapist & Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Past Life Regression Therapist; Colour & Aura Therapist, Graphologist, Angel & Crystal Advisor)

We Do Online & Phone Counselling Sessions

www.fudoltherapies.com

+(91) 9869660362; contact@fudoltherapies.com

A line between EGO and SELF - RESPECT

I always used to feel that Ego should never enter into a relationship. Maybe, I still feel the same thing. But, somewhere sometimes that fine line between Ego and Self – Respect gets crossed...

Many of us go out of our way for people whom we love...thinking that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Maybe, but we forget to keep our expectations in check. We start expecting that the other person also should love you the same way....ouch! “Resulting in hurt”.

Many times we would give all the love we have in us to the person we love...maybe, that’s how it is supposed to be...giving that person our 100%. But, what if you are just at the giving end and there isn’t much receiving of Love happening...oops! Would the Love start getting “exhausted”?

Many times there is a feeling lurking at the back of your mind..."Why isn’t he (he/she) interested in listening to what I have to say?” But you ignore that feeling and keep living in that pretext that both of you are equally involved in the relationship. Is somewhere this feeling “crushing” your self – esteem?

You are always on the lookout for doing something special for that person. May be sometimes you write a love letter for him, other times you make a photo album for him, some other time you just give a rose and say how special he is for you. Do you wonder why there are no such attempts... to make you feel special, coming from the other end? Is it because he is not expressive? Do you somewhere doubt your “special” place in that person’s heart?

Has that happened many times that you only keep buzzing/pinging/calling that person? He hardly initiates the buzzing/pinging/calling you? Do you ignore that on the pretext that it’s okay I don’t want Ego to come in my relationship? But, are you really “okay”?

Does he always make you feel jealous by talking about other girls? Is it happening too often? Do you have that feeling that your “importance” in that relationship is lessened?

When in love, you always try to keep the other person’s problems, needs, smile ahead than your own? Do you feel that there are very rare occasions your problems, needs, smiles are kept into fore front? Are you left with the feeling of “taken for granted”?

If the answers to all the above questions are NO...then there is no need to read any further. If the answer is to any or all the above questions are YES...then let’s see why you end up feeling miserable within yourself, less important, taken for granted, not special, crushed, exhausted, etc.

Is the other person to be blamed for how you feel? How many days/months/years you have let these feelings lurk in your psyche and not addressed them properly? How many subtle hints given to you by that person was just ignored because you want to stay in a fairytale that say, “he will always be mine and I have every right to cling to him.” Are you unclear whether your love is unconditional or you require an equal amount of give­­­ n take in your relationships?  

The minute you make the other person more important in a relationship...you have crossed that fine line between Ego and Self – Respect.

It takes a lifetime or various births to learn how to Love unconditionally. So here, we are only talking of a relationship where both of them have expectations and the relationship is considered healthy with an equal amount of Give – Take from both the people involved. When there is an imbalance in this give – take that’s when these above feeling crops in. If not addressed properly it would, lead to communication gap, misunderstanding, doubts, manipulation, game playing, etc.

If in case, you have already confronted that person and still those feelings keep persisting than you need to take a back seat. Maybe, you aren’t giving him a chance to show his Love in his own way. Maybe, before he buzzes you, you have already buzzed him. Maybe, he is so overwhelmed by how special he is for you that it has never occurred to him that he also needs to reciprocate that feeling. So, take a back seat for sometime...till then take care of yourself, love yourself, groom yourself and see how it adds spice to your relationship.

If it backfires and he doesn’t respond the way described in the above paragraph then, you definitely deserve someone who loves you equally, who makes you feel special, who understands and respects your needs as much as he understands his.     

In one single line:

“A Relationship starts losing its charm when the other person becomes more important then you...”

@ FUDOL Therapies we are not saying we are an expert in relationships but we will definitely help you recognize and be your support when you are re – discovering your lost importance.

DARSHA Gandhi Mehta
(Psychotherapist & Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Past Life Regression Therapist; Colour & Aura Therapist, Graphologist, Angel & Crystal Advisor)

We Do Online & Phone Counselling Sessions

www.fudoltherapies.com

+(91) 9869660362; contact@fudoltherapies.com